Kindness of Strangers

I grew up in a big city, which means I spent a lot of time perfecting my middle distance stare. Whether on buses, trains and just walking from point A to point B in public, I didn't make eye contact with and definitely did not initiate conversations with strangers. I also got really great at ignoring catcalls, honking horns, people who wanted to ask a question, panhandlers, etc. as I tried to go about daily life. I counted these skills among my "street smarts" and felt like I was really lucky to have them. Besides, how would anyone survive in this day and age if they actually engaged with a stranger?

When I moved to the south, it was a little different. It seemed everyone said "hello" when they passed and actually expected you to make eye contact and say "hello" back! It was a strange transition, but I still needed to be able to turn on the street attitude on public transportation, but that's expected.

It was a similarly strange transition when I started running - and I still think I am going through it -the concept of getting encouragement from strangers. These days, when I hear "looking good" or "almost there" it's usually from a fellow jogger or biker toughing it out on the road. At first I thought it was patronizing - c'mon, I look TERRIBLE when I run because I am usually struggling. And am I supposed to say something back? How do you respond to that?

But I have started looking forward to a little encouragement out on the road. Isn't it a nice surprise to hear a little bit of kindness from a stranger as you bust your butt to get through a run or workout? And who cares if they mean it or not, seriously? Whether it helps for a second or several minutes, it's kind of nice to hear someone acknowledge what you're doing and keep you moving in the right direction. While I still don't know how to respond - mostly because I usually can't breathe, let alone speak - I am starting to appreciate some attention from strangers.

What do you think? What kind of encouragement helps you when you're working hard?

Misery Does Not Love Company

I have never considered myself a big time runner. I run as part of my overall health strategy, but I love that I can do it almost anytime, anywhere. I've mentioned before that I was a swimmer, too. I actually grew up swimming, a decidedly individual sport. What I loved best about it was that only I was in control of how hard I worked and what the outcomes were of my races. I had a pretty good awareness of my ability and what to expect out of a race, except for a few pleasant (or unpleasant) surprises. Oddly, I can still remember some of those outlier performances...

When I stopped swimming, I took up water polo for a while. It was a strange transition to go from an individual to team sport, but since it was still water-based, I could do well. I also chose the most individual position on the team, goalie, so I could still have some control evaluating my own performance. It was a wonderful experience, I met some wonderful people, including my husband, and travelled to a lot of different places with the team. However, after a few years, I fell out of love with the sport and needed to do something else.

I swam for a while, but decided to take up running at that point. It was a really slow start, but the similarities to swimming - it never gets easier, you can do it on your own, it's great exercise - were, are, really beneficial. I would run on my own and I liked it - I never had to wait for anyone, meet at a certain time or place, etc. - I could just go. As I let my friends and family know I was running, they were thrilled and some asked if I wanted to do training runs or run races with them. As a new runner, I said "yes!" and figured it would help motivate me.

But, I learned something new about myself - I don't like running with other people. Maybe it's because I'm not fluid enough to have a conversation while I am running. Maybe it's because running is "me" time and I don't want to talk or think about other things. Maybe I prefer to be a hermit. Maybe I think running is miserable most of the time and I don't want anyone to see me that miserable. No matter what the real reason, I am more comfortable running by myself. However, I know plenty of people who prefer running groups and running races alongside friends and family. Those kinds of things warm my heart - really. I understand it, but I just can't get into it.

How do you like to run? If you like running with others, what makes that fun for you? What am I missing?